My New Year's Resolutions

Every New Year's, people ask me what my resolutions are. So I usually make some random resolution that I do not even intend on keeping just to make it seem like I’m trying to better myself. The idea of new year’s resolutions kind of perplexes me altogether. Why only wait to 1/1 to make a change? Why not make the change whenever you want? January first just feels like any other day to me. The only difference is that I have to write 2011 on my checks now. But every year we still get caught up in the hype and make ridiculous resolutions, which just leads to epic fails. Here are some of my past resolutions:

2008: Get buff
2009: Work out at least once a week
2010: Find out where my closest gym is

2008: Stop getting my parents angry
2009: Stop getting hit by my parents for things I do
2010: Buy a helmet

2008: Ty/pe with a lot les typos when for my emails and AIM chat
2009: Work on me grammar and cutt down on tipos
2010: #%#*&(*!><#@$>!

2008: Get all A’s
2009: Get one A
2010: start studying more

Ok for 2011, I resolve to not fail at my resolutions. So I’ve come up with a great list of achievable ones to jump start my awesome year.

1.) I will do less laundry and use more deodorant
2.) I will try to be less seductive
3.) Be funnier (What did the green grape say to the purple one? “Breathe! Breathe!”)
4.) Learn the complete lyrics for 1 song
5.) Travel the World
6.) Better time management =less espn
7.) Get a puppy one way or another

Speaking of pets… I’ll start the year with a hilarious joke about cats (they’re pretty much just evil dogs)

A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a house cat appears. “What are you?” Asks the cat.
“I’m a gnome,” it replies, “I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, I make annoying music at night to drive them crazy, I have sharp nails to scratch the furniture, and I love mischief. And what, may I ask, are you?”
The cat replies, “Um… I’m a gnome.”